I feel lost again. In other news capslock is turning on me.
I’ve traded dreams so many times that I’m running out of ideas of what to do. First a dancer, then an artist, architect, fashion designer, pilot, interior decorator, advertising designer, graphics design, travel journalist…
Every time that I come up with something new that I think I could do I give up, I tell myself that I won’t me good enough. I say to myself that I don’t have the drive or the motivation, I don’t have the talent, or maybe I just don’t want it as much as other people, who deserrve it so much more than I do.
At the moment it’s journalist, who knows what it will be in two months. I read an article and watched an interview with a girl, or lady I guess in the interview, who got her article as the cover article of an issue of The New York Times Magazine at eighteen, just eighteen. I’m seventeen now. By eighteen I will have accomplished nothing of note. I know of 17 year old authors who have published sper succesfull books. How can I even hope to compete against people like that.
Really though, how can I even dare to think that I would stand a chance? I don’t know if I ever will.